We recently got preschool organized and rolling again thanks to some good friends. When our planning meeting was over and we were getting ready to go our seperate ways the subject of discipline came up. One of the mommies was very adament in her stand against spanking firmly declaring that she would not spank her children or anyone else's and that she didn't want anyone to spank her child. I was momentarily stunned because the thought had never crossed my mind and it left me to ponder where she would get the notion that I would spank and this post came to mind. So here is my disclaimer.
We love our children, we have tons of fun playing with them. This play includes A LOT of wrestling, and sometimes gentle pats on the bum that we call paddling and spanking and even more often "eating" our children. We do this kind of play way way WAY more often then we do harsh discipline.
When Ryan and I first got married we were determined not to spank/paddle our children. We have since failed in this resolve and go in spurts where we spank (for the more serious crimes, or the repeated ones). I will often go to my room afterward and cry, this is because I know that I spank more when I am truly at wits end and upset. I also will "tell on myself" to Ryan. There have also been many times during our late night talks that we have decided not spank as much (and do for quite some time).
This post is also a thank you to my friend and her obvious love for her children and for being consistent in her discipline methods. Thank you for reminding me of our original ideals in discipline. We had a family night this week and made No hitting/kicking/pushing/SPANKING one of our family rules complete with consequences for each family member if they break it...mine is revoked dishwasher privledges for a week. The few times I've been tempted to paddle since were quickly squelched by the thought that I would have to wash ALL the dishes for a whole week by hand...a practice I have abandonded since moving to GA and DO NOT want to resume.
Our home is now one filled with even more love...Oh, and naturally the kiddos are fighting less, Teancum has only hit his brother back ONCE this WEEK, we are especially proud of him for his efforts to keep the family rule.
4 comments:
not to go blurting out to the world, but Kirstin... I think you are an incredible mother! My comment about not spanking my children had NOTHING to do with any thought of you spanking your children, but yet a conversation I had had with a neighbor earlier that week. She did not know how a family could discipline effectively without spanking, and was very firm in this. it really bothered me. I am so so sorry if I have had you worried! You are fantastic parents, and a fantastic family! We are so glad to be part of such a great friendship and we love you and your boys so, so much!
p.s. I am glad that you had such a great family home evening and that it was so effective. I don't know if I could give myself dish duty. thats pretty brave! see you soon!
I think that that is wonderful resolve! I find myself at times "disciplining" with a spank when it is more out of frustration than appropriate correction...Disciplining a 2 year old can be so tough! The method that works the best for us (But is sometimes limited if it is in use) is to put Ashton in the highchair for time out. He hates it and it usually corrects the behavior...
I've have committed on a few occasions to not spank especially after a study I read concluded that children who are spanked have a lower IQ than those who are not spanked (this was a controlled study). Just something to think about. SO good luck and at the same time Congrats for your determination!
Thanks for the highchair tip...it's worked great for Jacob
I'm one of your dad's cousins and I met you at aunt (your grandma) Dixie's funeral. My mom (Lola)gave me your blog address and told me to read the entry on disipline. Totally loved it, so real and true to life, and what every mom goes through. Thanks for writing it.
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